there is a friend that i have who is one of the strongest women i know.... this is for her...
--------------------------------
written June 1, 2010
my friend
by jennie kathryn
there is much in her past
that she does not wish us to see.
there is much in her past
that would be unthinkable to you and me.
she lived through it all
and came out the other side.
she lived through it all
after much she wants to hide.
the strength she has
is hard for her to see.
the strength she has
is what makes her special to me.
the love she gives
shows how far her heart goes.
the love she gives
is more precious than she knows.
she is my friend,
living through her past has made her free.
she is my friend,
and by her side is where i will always be.
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
and now i continue....
so the better part of last night was spent typing in the 27 poems that follow this blog post... 27 poems... i wrote 27 poems... that just sounds really really weird to me... of course not all of them are very good.. lol... but some actually surprised me.
of course, then i go read them... and i realise just how love struck and angsty i was in my youth... is angsty a word?... but you get the point.
why did i decide to document them this way?.. well.. for the better part of 16 years, most of those poems had been typewritten on paper and in a cheap binder... disaster happened about 5 years ago when the binder was in a box that was victim of a flood-caused-by-leaking-air-conditioner... i was madder than a cat in heat....
but my husband, God love him, was smart enough to save the pages for me... even tho i told him, in anger, to get rid of them. Thank goodness for marrying a smart man....
over the last several years, i have avoided my poetry... did not want to think about it or interact with it... but oddly enough, i have gotten the bug again... so i figured if i feel inclined to write a bit... why not have it in a blog so i can share it too.. ;-)
so hopefully from this day forth, i will give in to those creative urges...
and my continued use of the "..." instead of learning to type actual sentences instead of letting my thoughts process out my fingertips... lol
of course, then i go read them... and i realise just how love struck and angsty i was in my youth... is angsty a word?... but you get the point.
why did i decide to document them this way?.. well.. for the better part of 16 years, most of those poems had been typewritten on paper and in a cheap binder... disaster happened about 5 years ago when the binder was in a box that was victim of a flood-caused-by-leaking-air-conditioner... i was madder than a cat in heat....
but my husband, God love him, was smart enough to save the pages for me... even tho i told him, in anger, to get rid of them. Thank goodness for marrying a smart man....
over the last several years, i have avoided my poetry... did not want to think about it or interact with it... but oddly enough, i have gotten the bug again... so i figured if i feel inclined to write a bit... why not have it in a blog so i can share it too.. ;-)
so hopefully from this day forth, i will give in to those creative urges...
and my continued use of the "..." instead of learning to type actual sentences instead of letting my thoughts process out my fingertips... lol
The Oldest of Three
i wrote this because i figured if i write a poem about one brother, then i have to express my feelings about the other as well... :)
-----------------------------
written 2005-ish...
The Oldest of Three
by jennie kathryn
My biggest influence that I can see
As surprising as it may seem to be
Tamed the wildchild inside of me
The one I desperately wanted to be.
He has no idea how I felt to be free
Even every day wondering if I need to worry
Will he still love me if I don't live flawlessly?
That must be the price I pay for being me.
-----------------------------
written 2005-ish...
The Oldest of Three
by jennie kathryn
My biggest influence that I can see
As surprising as it may seem to be
Tamed the wildchild inside of me
The one I desperately wanted to be.
He has no idea how I felt to be free
Even every day wondering if I need to worry
Will he still love me if I don't live flawlessly?
That must be the price I pay for being me.
My Brother
i wrote this poem after reading a few poems my youngest brother had written... i was truly astonished by how creative he was that i felt i had to express it....
------------------------------
written 2005-ish?
My Brother
by jennie kathryn
Looking back, I never knew
the complexity of the boy
I grew up next to.
Looking back, I never saw
the imagination and emotions
his words could draw.
Looking now, I see a man
who is more artistic
than even I am.
Looking now, I see a guy
whose unknown potential
reaches up to the sky.
Looking forward, to his life
he will be enveloped in love
for his children, and adoring wife.
Looking forward, I know this
he will live in happiness and
hidden talents he shall not miss.
------------------------------
written 2005-ish?
My Brother
by jennie kathryn
Looking back, I never knew
the complexity of the boy
I grew up next to.
Looking back, I never saw
the imagination and emotions
his words could draw.
Looking now, I see a man
who is more artistic
than even I am.
Looking now, I see a guy
whose unknown potential
reaches up to the sky.
Looking forward, to his life
he will be enveloped in love
for his children, and adoring wife.
Looking forward, I know this
he will live in happiness and
hidden talents he shall not miss.
Endings
written Summer 2004
Endings
by jennie kathryn
I have no more creativity
I seem to have lost my muse.
What a surprise this will be to everyone
But to me, it is no grand news.
It's a state that was long in coming
Not quite an unexpected thing,
Just one of those things that happens
When you have no more happiness to bring.
I have searched the whole world over
Even looked in the most forbidden place,
But not even the strongest inspiration
Can bring me back to a state of grace.
I need to learn how to look further
Beyond all the world's violence and hate.
Perhaps, out there, there may be something
That will save me before it's too late.
If I must, I will spend my life searching
For that something that'll make the world bend,
So once again peace will fall upon us
And it will bring my misery to an end.
Endings
by jennie kathryn
I have no more creativity
I seem to have lost my muse.
What a surprise this will be to everyone
But to me, it is no grand news.
It's a state that was long in coming
Not quite an unexpected thing,
Just one of those things that happens
When you have no more happiness to bring.
I have searched the whole world over
Even looked in the most forbidden place,
But not even the strongest inspiration
Can bring me back to a state of grace.
I need to learn how to look further
Beyond all the world's violence and hate.
Perhaps, out there, there may be something
That will save me before it's too late.
If I must, I will spend my life searching
For that something that'll make the world bend,
So once again peace will fall upon us
And it will bring my misery to an end.
The Monotony of Life
written April 25, 1997
The Monotony of Life
by jennie kathryn
Come, enter into the monotony of life
where nothing makes a difference
and everything is a change.
Where each sigh is a path to Heaven
when followed has no end
and each breath brings new life.
Where every opportunity is misplaced
bringing forth unrealised ideas
and every plan has a way to break down.
Where love in all it's splendor
creates havoc within the heart
and hatred cannot find it's source.
Where we discovered the meaning of life
while learning how to live it
and we question it unto our death.
Where greatness exists everywhere
within and without each of us
that is the monotony of life.
The Monotony of Life
by jennie kathryn
Come, enter into the monotony of life
where nothing makes a difference
and everything is a change.
Where each sigh is a path to Heaven
when followed has no end
and each breath brings new life.
Where every opportunity is misplaced
bringing forth unrealised ideas
and every plan has a way to break down.
Where love in all it's splendor
creates havoc within the heart
and hatred cannot find it's source.
Where we discovered the meaning of life
while learning how to live it
and we question it unto our death.
Where greatness exists everywhere
within and without each of us
that is the monotony of life.
Anything
this is more of a song than a poem... i started writing it as a poem in late 1996... and finished it as a song in 1998 with a melody and everything...
too bad i can't record it.. :(
------------------------------------
Anything
by jennie kathryn
My love, how I wish I was with you
without all of this heartache and guilt.
My friend, your attention is a blessing
but mine is unfair to you still.
I am cruel and unjust to my loved one
yet I'm kind while I'm using my friend.
This confusion is my own creation
through a desperate attempt to amend
The hurt that you caused
The love that I give
The pain I inflict
The joy that we lived.
Though often I wish I could,
I wouldn't
give it up
for anything, My Love.
The love that I have I am missing
cause of guilt, and the distance, and time.
The friend that I have is beginning to find
all the love that is trapped in my heart.
To my love I deny explanation
to my friend I go to confess.
It's a world where only the lonely,
could create such a dangerous mess.
The hard times alone
The fun times with you
The sad times together
and the happy ones too.
Though often I wish I could
I wouldn't
give it up
for anything, My Friend.
The hurt that you caused
The love that I give
The pain I inflict
The joy that we live.
The hard times alone
The fun times with you
The sad times together
and the happy ones too.
Though often I wish I could,
I wouldn't
give them up
for anything, For You.
too bad i can't record it.. :(
------------------------------------
Anything
by jennie kathryn
My love, how I wish I was with you
without all of this heartache and guilt.
My friend, your attention is a blessing
but mine is unfair to you still.
I am cruel and unjust to my loved one
yet I'm kind while I'm using my friend.
This confusion is my own creation
through a desperate attempt to amend
The hurt that you caused
The love that I give
The pain I inflict
The joy that we lived.
Though often I wish I could,
I wouldn't
give it up
for anything, My Love.
The love that I have I am missing
cause of guilt, and the distance, and time.
The friend that I have is beginning to find
all the love that is trapped in my heart.
To my love I deny explanation
to my friend I go to confess.
It's a world where only the lonely,
could create such a dangerous mess.
The hard times alone
The fun times with you
The sad times together
and the happy ones too.
Though often I wish I could
I wouldn't
give it up
for anything, My Friend.
The hurt that you caused
The love that I give
The pain I inflict
The joy that we live.
The hard times alone
The fun times with you
The sad times together
and the happy ones too.
Though often I wish I could,
I wouldn't
give them up
for anything, For You.
The Beginning
this was written when i first started to question my own upcoming wedding... and whether or not it should take place......... it didn't.
-----------------------------------
Written August 23, 1996
The Beginning
by jennie kathryn
I see them stand there whispering
wondering of the secrets they share
I think back to a time I was like them
then realise, I am the only one who would care
To look at them you see an aura
surrounding them like a silken robe
It affects the observers conscious mind
examining their memories like a probe
They start to remember fondly
a time when they were like this
Flooding their minds with happiness
never realising that it was missed
The couples smiles are shining
as they dance in a soft embrace
Being admired by their loved ones
wiht new-found happiness visible on their face
This loving couple has never been so happy
they have the right to feel that way
So many poeple have experienced the same
afetrall, this is their wedding day.
-----------------------------------
Written August 23, 1996
The Beginning
by jennie kathryn
I see them stand there whispering
wondering of the secrets they share
I think back to a time I was like them
then realise, I am the only one who would care
To look at them you see an aura
surrounding them like a silken robe
It affects the observers conscious mind
examining their memories like a probe
They start to remember fondly
a time when they were like this
Flooding their minds with happiness
never realising that it was missed
The couples smiles are shining
as they dance in a soft embrace
Being admired by their loved ones
wiht new-found happiness visible on their face
This loving couple has never been so happy
they have the right to feel that way
So many poeple have experienced the same
afetrall, this is their wedding day.
Ode to Life
written June 6, 1998
Ode to Life
by Jennie Kathryn
The time has come for the world to arise
the sun climbs toward the heavens
as we begin to open our eyes.
The time has come for life to have a chance
bringing our reality into the daylight
before our dreams take over like a trance.
Everything has a path it must follow
with a bit of guidance by the human race
without us, all life would turn to nothing
not existing, in any time, or any place.
We must follow our hearts to happiness
though the road may be paved with fear
or all that we strive for will diminish
into the emptiness we all hold so near.
It is love that keeps us together
It is love that decides
It is love that we must search for
or follow a path to our own demise.
Ode to Life
by Jennie Kathryn
The time has come for the world to arise
the sun climbs toward the heavens
as we begin to open our eyes.
The time has come for life to have a chance
bringing our reality into the daylight
before our dreams take over like a trance.
Everything has a path it must follow
with a bit of guidance by the human race
without us, all life would turn to nothing
not existing, in any time, or any place.
We must follow our hearts to happiness
though the road may be paved with fear
or all that we strive for will diminish
into the emptiness we all hold so near.
It is love that keeps us together
It is love that decides
It is love that we must search for
or follow a path to our own demise.
Misery
written April 16, 1998
Misery
by jennie kathryn
While we sleep, and all our dreams abound,
The Little People are juggling our souls around.
They come in the night when noone makes a peep,
and take away the emotions that lie so deep.
They fiddle and they fix any problems that arise,
then replace what they took with a memory in disguise.
When they examine the mind of one in much pain,
they'll take away what has made her insane.
She'll never miss it, won't even bat an eye,
it's something so small she won't question why.
"Why can't I remember that feeling he gave me?",
No, she'll never miss that feeling of misery.
Then there is one, that greedy little soul
who won't relinquish his claim on what the others thought so droll.
"You have fixed her, now I will take care of him.
She will only know happiness, he will never hurt her again."
Now when she sleeps, beautiful dreams appear,
life with him is happy, with nothing left to fear.
The Little People live for this every night,
they play with our lives, when we can't even fight.
This is what they do, they think they're being kind,
so, better watch out, or they'll enter your mind.
Misery
by jennie kathryn
While we sleep, and all our dreams abound,
The Little People are juggling our souls around.
They come in the night when noone makes a peep,
and take away the emotions that lie so deep.
They fiddle and they fix any problems that arise,
then replace what they took with a memory in disguise.
When they examine the mind of one in much pain,
they'll take away what has made her insane.
She'll never miss it, won't even bat an eye,
it's something so small she won't question why.
"Why can't I remember that feeling he gave me?",
No, she'll never miss that feeling of misery.
Then there is one, that greedy little soul
who won't relinquish his claim on what the others thought so droll.
"You have fixed her, now I will take care of him.
She will only know happiness, he will never hurt her again."
Now when she sleeps, beautiful dreams appear,
life with him is happy, with nothing left to fear.
The Little People live for this every night,
they play with our lives, when we can't even fight.
This is what they do, they think they're being kind,
so, better watch out, or they'll enter your mind.
This Thankful Day
written December 4,1996
This Thankful Day
by jennie kathryn
I am thankful for a lot of things in many different ways;
the rain; the snow; the hard, cold wind, and those bright and sunny days.
The stars at night are company for the lonely, harvest moon;
while we sleep and dream of love, we know the sun will join us soon.
I am thankful for my experiences, all those good and bad;
without them I wouldn't be me, and that would make me sad.
My life is what I've made it, and I'm proud of what I've become;
though I've got my thorns and a temper, too, I still mean a lot to some.
I am thankful for the words I have to share with you today;
the life, the love, the laughter, the role that each of you play.
Although you may not know it, this is something I have found;
no one can be a nobody, because they affect everyone around.
I am thankful for almost everything this world does give to me;
the smells, the sounds, the nature's beauty some are too busy to see.
So remember on this thankful day with loved ones that you share;
our lives affect all people, but we're in the heart of those who care.
This Thankful Day
by jennie kathryn
I am thankful for a lot of things in many different ways;
the rain; the snow; the hard, cold wind, and those bright and sunny days.
The stars at night are company for the lonely, harvest moon;
while we sleep and dream of love, we know the sun will join us soon.
I am thankful for my experiences, all those good and bad;
without them I wouldn't be me, and that would make me sad.
My life is what I've made it, and I'm proud of what I've become;
though I've got my thorns and a temper, too, I still mean a lot to some.
I am thankful for the words I have to share with you today;
the life, the love, the laughter, the role that each of you play.
Although you may not know it, this is something I have found;
no one can be a nobody, because they affect everyone around.
I am thankful for almost everything this world does give to me;
the smells, the sounds, the nature's beauty some are too busy to see.
So remember on this thankful day with loved ones that you share;
our lives affect all people, but we're in the heart of those who care.
4 years
written November 13, 1995
4 years
by jennie kathryn
Under the mask of realism
New and wonderful things arise
In front, behind, all around.
View these from another perspective
Enter them into your conscious mind
Relate them to another
See if they react as you did.
In their mind it may be different
Then they relate it to another.
Young and old pass it through their mind.
One may understand and enjoy
Four others accept without comprehension.
Some still relate it to others
One of those will change the meaning.
Up, around, in and out
Through minds, pages, bytes
Having no control of the changes.
Common thoughts become abstract
A simple word gains many meanings
Right and wrong become confused.
Once an easy, simple word,
Life becomes something else.
Interaction increases and decreases
Nothing can stop the change.
A body could go crazy
All these things changing.
The knowledge that was once simple
About-facing in someone else's mind.
Intelligent thought lost and gained
Knowledge altered and added to.
Everything you know, new and old
Now can be called a college education.
4 years
by jennie kathryn
Under the mask of realism
New and wonderful things arise
In front, behind, all around.
View these from another perspective
Enter them into your conscious mind
Relate them to another
See if they react as you did.
In their mind it may be different
Then they relate it to another.
Young and old pass it through their mind.
One may understand and enjoy
Four others accept without comprehension.
Some still relate it to others
One of those will change the meaning.
Up, around, in and out
Through minds, pages, bytes
Having no control of the changes.
Common thoughts become abstract
A simple word gains many meanings
Right and wrong become confused.
Once an easy, simple word,
Life becomes something else.
Interaction increases and decreases
Nothing can stop the change.
A body could go crazy
All these things changing.
The knowledge that was once simple
About-facing in someone else's mind.
Intelligent thought lost and gained
Knowledge altered and added to.
Everything you know, new and old
Now can be called a college education.
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